Constructive Criticism
When you feel like criticizing a child, wait, hold on, manage your anger for a while and let that moment pass.
Now decide what the issue is that you want to talk about. Plan for a while what you want to say. Identify the problem as well as a solution before you begin to talk. Be clear about the intended outcome of the discussion. It must be constructive criticism, not just criticism. The aim is not to hurt the child but to make him realize his mistakes and to help him to do better. The language that you use should provide encouragement and motivation while pointing out the child’s mistakes.
Focus on one issue at a time. Only after one issue has been resolved, move to another.
Avoid judgmental language. (Example of judgmental language: You’re useless, It’s impossible to improve you, Your handwriting is hopeless, It’s no use telling you anything, You always do the same mistakes, You’re very slow etc.) Don’t sound harsh. Your voice must be cool and impersonal. Your body language should not show aggression. Don’t give the impression that you’re going to give him a lecture. Convince him that it is going to be a discussion. Remember, a discussion is quite different from an argument. Let the dialogue proceed slowly. Make sure that the facts you mention are accurate and not exaggerated.
Avoid comparison. Remember that each child is unique. No two are alike. No two need to be alike. Always tell the child that he must compete with himself and not with someone else.
Begin with the mention of something positive that you have recently noticed about the child. When you praise, be sincere in it. Insincere praise will do more harm than good. It will easily be noticed by the child.
Be polite while you point out the mistakes. Ignore the mistakes which are minor. The child should not feel you’re doing a fault-finding exercise. Instead, he should feel the exercise is going to help his improvement.
Use suggestive language. (Examples of suggestive language: Let’s see what can be done about this, let’s find out where the trouble started, let’s discuss why our effort hasn’t produced the desired result etc.)
Focus on the problem or the issue being discussed. It should not turn into a personal attack. Don’t allow the discussion to get sidetracked. Don’t dig the history of past mistakes and failures. It is the particular problem or behaviour that you want to deal with. The person is not the target. Problem-solving is the aim, not insulting or humiliation.
Don’t keep repeating the same points over and over again. Don’t center the discussion on what all you have done. Instead, center it on what he is required to do and how you’re going to help him in that.
Make sure the discussion won’t last beyond ten or fifteen minutes. If there is more to discuss, postpone it to the evening or the next day.
Language of Criticism
Versus
Language of Healing
C: You don’t have the potential to do it.
H: I remember what your geography teacher told me about you last month. I think you have the potential to do much better if you decide to work a little harder.
C: Your handwriting is hopeless.
H: Yes, right now your handwriting is not very impressive. But I can give you some tips now and if you follow them, I’m sure you’ll see a positive change soon.
C: You can never improve.
H: You know you started your preparation in the last time. I hope you will plan better next time.
C: Here, let me do that for you.
H: You’re doing it all right. If you don’t mind, may I assist you?
C: This is such an untidy work. I won’t check this. Take it back.
H: You know I have forty books to check. If you don’t write legibly, it will be very difficult for me to correct and it will be difficult for you to study later. I hope you won’t mind writing these three answers again.
C: Can’t you finish your work quickly, like other kids?
H: Your work is good but a bit slow. But don’t worry. I’m ready to help if you need.
C: Why do I always get complaints about you from other children?
H: Now, you know they are all your friends and you know every one of you has some responsibilities towards your friends. What is your idea?
C: Why, you’re the only one who always gets into trouble and not others?
H: Come on, let’s have a talk and find out where actually this trouble has started.
C: I don’t expect anything better from you than this.
H: I think you haven’t put in enough effort. If you do, believe me, your performance will be much better than what it is now.
Language of Praise
Versus
Language of Encouragement
Praise is based on emotion. Encouragement is based on logic. Praise goes to the head. Encouragement raises self-esteem. Praise is judgmental. Encouragement is evaluative. Praise tends to exaggerate. Encouragement is neutral and objective. Praise creates fear of failure. Encouragement teaches how to accept failures gracefully. Praise fosters dependence and false confidence. Encouragement results in self-reliance and a realistic self-assessment.
Examples:
P: You’re the best student I’ve ever had.
E: I really appreciate what you have done. Keep it up.
P: You’re always on time.
E: I notice that you understand the value of time. That’s a good thing.
P: I am so proud of you.
E: This achievement is a result of your planning and hard work. Continue it.
P: You’re the best helper I’ve ever had.
E: Today, if this class is so clean, there is lot of your effort in it. Thank you.
